The Firecracker Defuser
08 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in Food for Thought Tags: anger, Christ, firecracker, God's love, grace, life, marriage, relationships, stress, unconditional love
About 6 weeks ago, my husband and I embarked on a new and temporary adventure. We offered to let my grandpa live with us for what appears to be his final season of life. This would be why my blog has gone lifeless and barren of late. This would also be why my house is messier, my leg hair is growing hair of it’s own, and my dog ran off to find a new forever family. And to top it all off, just a few weeks after gramps came into our home, it was also the start of our new homeschool year — with an entirely new and different curriculum and approach.
**Sidenote: let me explain my personality in one word: Firecracker. Listen to this song if you need more explanation.
The first time I heard about the above song was when my mom and cousin caught it on the radio one day and laughed because they both immediately thought of me. Aside from the fact it’s talking about a romp in the hay, the firecracker premise fits none-the-less.**
So, given the fact that I explode easily and have now found stress and time constraints to be a constant any and every day….I haven’t been totally pleasant. Those who don’t know me well and have seen me probably thought I’ve been just pleasantly peachy. Those who know me well and who I love most out of any in the world have seen the fiery, short-fused bawl baby that I really am. You can probably guess who that would be…
God bless…my husband. He catches 97.8% of the flack. I do not and have never handled stress well. Which cracks me up given the life I’ve had. You’d think I would be a professional stress squasher by now! Yeah, not so much.
Here’s the difference between my husband and every other man I’ve ever known ~ Since nearly the very beginning of our relationship, he has had the uncanny ability to see beyond my tangible, face value emotion to the heart of my issue. He has always searched out the “Why” of my behavior. It’s as if he has stared at and studied the abstract portrait that is my past so in depth that he can now recognize the hues that filter and color my current life experiences.
I had a hard time understanding unconditional love and an even harder time understanding that there would ever be someone who really had the ability to do this. My husband helps me to understand what it looks like to live out unconditional love. He sees the walls I put up and why. He sees my buttons and why they are my buttons. He sees how my sometimes self-sabotaging ways serve as a protection mechanism. He just gets me. Sometimes he gets me before I get me!
Then I got to thinking — Isn’t that how our Father God gets us? He can see the “why” in our actions — Isn’t that why He can love us unconditionally? Our “why’s” reside in the heart and that’s exactly where he looks. He sees our life’s painting and the color palette we filter life through. And though I should always be striving to die to my fleshly emotions, when the firecracker in me explodes, He is there to remind me of His grace and unconditional love. And honestly, that is what my husband does for me too. He reminds me of his unconditional love and extends grace to me unfailingly.
I always wanted to understand unconditional love as it applies to Christ but never could grasp it. I still don’t think I have a full grasp on that reality, but thanks to my kind, caring, and patient husband, I do understand it better and I try to learn from his example. So much prayer went in to my husband before I ever even knew him and God provided in abundance. Thank you Eric for loving me enough to search out the “why’s” in me. I am blessed to be walking this life with you by my side.
**Another side note — mushy is SO not my thing, HOWEVER, God placed this on my heart and I thought I would share it. I know many others are blessed with earthly examples of unconditional love that we sometimes mistreat or take for granted. Don’t.**
The Poop Cleats…You have to dig in to get the work done!
25 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Food for Thought, Uncategorized
We rented our house in Colorado out for a year and a half while we were in Phoenix, Arizona. What we came back to was, well, less than ideal. We have now been back in the house for a year and most of the fix-up projects are getting closer to being done. At the moment, it is my bathroom linoleum bugging me.
When I clean my linoleum floors, I get down on all fours because it soothes my OCD better than if I had used a mop. 
**Every once in a while I will use my Shark** So every week for the last year, while on all fours in my bathroom, I have to laugh because you see, there are cleat marks on the linoleum in front of the toilet. There are no cleat marks anywhere else, just in front of the toilet. Of course my imagination ran away with me the very first time I noticed them and now I never clean that spot without an image popping into my head.
What image do you get?
The image I get is…well, I think the “poop cleats” (as I lovingly call them), gave someone some bracing for a very messy job!
This week while finally sharing my “humor” with my husband, I realized the parallel this story has to real-life and thus, “Poop cleats, you have to dig in to get the work done” was born!
Sometimes life gets so hard. Sometimes we need a brace to stand against the trials. Sometimes life feels like nothing more than a messy job. And almost always, no matter how we come out of the bathroom — uh, I mean, the trials — there are still lasting marks to keep us from completely forgetting where we used to be.
Who of us wouldn’t want to avoid trials? Try as we may, they have a way of finding us anyway. Once the trial is at our doorstep, we still sometimes have a tendency to practice avoidance yet all the while knowing the problem isn’t going anywhere. It will linger. What if – just like the character in my mental image did – we really just made a plan and dug in, stayed focused and braced ourselves for the storm? All the while telling ourselves it would be over in no time and we would be healthier (and lighter!!) for it.
“Life’s A Garden, Dig It” Joe Dirt
The Humble Pie I’ve Been Eating For A Week.
24 Aug 2011 5 Comments
in Food for Thought Tags: care, God, humble, humility, life, respect, stuck up
I have had a humbling week. At first I didn’t think it was going any different than any other week, but then, in true God fashion…He made it otherwise. Let me give you the backstory first –
So, not so many years ago I was involved in a crappy, toxic relationship. I loved the guy, sure, but I secretly thought I was too good for him and he was lucky to have me. He had addiction issues and I of course wanted him to change. Enter all of his friends. I never, ever bothered to get to know them because I just assumed they were part of the problem for my boyfreind. I saw them feeding his addictions, encouraging his behavior, and loving that he was the life of the party. I was stuck-up, rude, and definitely not showing anyone that I believed they had value. As someone so kindly put it to me this week — you were a **something that rhymes with witch**.
Fast forward to 3 years after that boyfriend and I broke up. He died. In the midst of grief, I found commonality with his friends. And in God’s own quirky way (of which I could have never imagined), He has brought many of those friends in to my life since. One by one, life has bumped us into eachother again, only this time, I have found myself caring each and every time I have run into one of them.
I have found myself wanting to reach out, truly caring what these people are going through, and believing 100% that they are valuable. Actually, my husband and I call one of those friends and his fiancee some of our closest and most trusted friends.
I hadn’t even come close to realizing the difference in how I treated them from then to now until this past weekend. I had conversations with 2 people I had treated like dirt back then. They were brutally honest, and although it stung a bit, I needed to hear it. I needed to remember that in all of my high and mightiness — I had failed to see the soul staring back at me. I had failed to see God’s child. I had failed to portray the value of human life. And in doing those things, I had also failed God.
Every single life has value, and I can honestly say now that I don’t even have to force myself to realize that about anyone. Years back, not so much. I thank God for bringing these people back into my life so I could genuinely make good. I am a better person for knowing them. Not the other way around.
Love God, Love people…every single one of them.
Integrity…It’s What’s For Dinner!
16 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Food for Thought Tags: accountability, bad, choices, compromise, crossroads, decision making, decisions, defending, entitlement, God, good, habits, integrity, justified, life, moral compass, payoff, sin
I wrote this a while back but while cleaning off my computer came across it again. Hope you enjoy!
My 9-year-old to me: Can I lose just a little bit of integrity and only pay Kasey (brother) 50 cents for the backrub he gave me instead of the $1.25 I told him?
Haven’t we all hit those integrity crossroads at some point? Moments after he said this to me, I began having flashbacks of recent incidences where I had that choice to make also. Can I say I took the high road? Not every time. And sometimes it’s not the low road you should worry about as much as the middle road. The low road is like where you fall competely on your face — integrity (or lack thereof) in the open for all to see. The middle road is where compromise happens, no one necessarily sees it; it’s not as bad as _____, yet you still missed the “right” mark and you feel it inside. Take that road enough, though, and your internal compass will start to change with it. When we can do wrong things and not feel that icky feeling inside, we should check to see where North points on our compass.
Thinking about the roads we travel in life and the choices we are faced with everyday, integrity is so important, yet we seem to be finding it less and less in this world. We reward politicians, sports figures, etc, etc, for less than optimal behavior. We look up to these people and often times, so do our children. So, what can we expect but that our children model what they see, even from us?
I have had my moments where I’ve compromised my integrity because I’ve felt justified. I’ve built my argument, reasoned it out with God as to why it was necessary, and stooped to levels set by others out of my raging desire to defend myself. The level of integrity I require from myself is extremely high but sometimes, I feel like I have to come out with my claws showing when I feel threatened.
It truly is just a series of little compromises beginning in our minds. The thinking that, “Well, I’m entitled” or “they deserve it” or “God wants me to have it” or “they should be held accountable”, and the list goes on and on. As soon as I begin to think those thoughts, my actions are not far behind. Often times immediately after I have justified my lack of integrity, I almost feel euphoric. Yet I know that the sting of regret over allowing myself to get caught up in such a low-level of thinking and behaving is not far behind.
Why can’t the right decision be easier to make? And why can’t it have a better pay off? So many times, the right decisions go unnoticed and are mostly anti-climactic. Generally, it doesn’t come with the pat on the back or the climax in the story. Sometimes I wonder how I’ve ventured so far in life, yet I share so many similarities with a 9-year-old boy (or for that matter even a 3-year-old with a toy). In my son’s case, wanting to hold on to his hard earned money was a good, healthy quality. But is it still a good quality if we have to cheat others to hang on to it? Do I need to lower my level of integrity just to defend myself to other humans? God knows and I know. That should be good enough for me.
Even if the payoff is only having peace of mind with no outward signs of the high level of integrity you have just claimed for yourself, it’s still worth it. Nothing on the outside matters unless we are true to who we are and who God says we are as His children. You are your own reward. Looking in the mirror and loving what you see is priceless. Live exceptionally because you deserve it. The gift of Integrity is already in you, you just have to habitually tap in to it.
Happy Tuesday!
Get your own — These are taken!
09 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Food for Thought, Uncategorized
For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.
Deuteronomy 4:23-25
I was an only child until I was 12. My Grandmas both treated me like I was the end all, be all. I was selfish. I was undoubtedly the little red-headed, pig-tailed brat picking on all the other kids every chance I got. No sharing toys here. My step-mom calls me her “red-headed stepchild”. Now, as a joke, but man I put her through hell. I put many through hell because of my self-serving, selfish ways. Sharing is not something that comes natural to me, although, I would like to think that as I age I am getting better at it because I try to practice it at every turn.!
Now that I’m an adult, I find that the biggest thing I am selfish about is my kids. I don’t like to share them. Just as the Bible verse above tells us how God loves us so much, He gets jealous when things steal our focus away from Him — I am the same way with my boys. Sometimes I think I have this skewed idea that they were put here just for me, just to bring joy to only me. As if God really sent them down here like toys from Santa for me and me alone. And 90% of the time, I don’t wanna share. They’re mine, I argue.
That’s the little girl in me. The big girl in me knows that they are blessings to many more than just me. The big girl in me knows they aren’t mine in any aspect except that I gave birth to them. **Lucky me**!!!!! But truly, they belong to God. Yes, I am blessed that He chose me to be their mother, but during their lifetimes they will bless many more than just me. They will give time to many more than just me. They will cut the apron strings and walk on their own – one day. They will…God help me…love another woman later on. I’m introducing that idea bit by bit to the little girl in me. And of course, praying dutifully that she’s just as awesome as me 
Haha!
As I am realizing how quickly they are growing up, independence is a growing issue to me right now. Teaching them independence is so completely important to me, yet that darn little girl in me just wants to hold them tightly and never let go. The jealous red-head in me wants them all to myself, all the days of my life. This jealous little girl doesn’t want to share. But more importantly, this big-girl mommy doesn’t want to consume my children to the point of making them into ill-equipped, dependent adults. In order to give my children independence and life, I must share. I must open my fist, finger by finger **with God unbuckling each knuckle** over these years and share them with the world.
But….Until then…GET YOUR OWN!
Happy Tuesday
10 Reasons to Adopt a Child with Special Needs
19 Jul 2011 1 Comment
in Being a birthmother, Food for Thought, Special Needs, Uncategorized Tags: abortion, acceptance, adoption, adoptive parent, angel, children, God, God's love, joy, kids, life, parenting, perspective, smile, special needs, unconditional love
I found that keeping this list to 10 reasons is..well…impossible. So my 10 reasons are only going to focus on you…the adoptive parent. Not what you can bring a child but more what a child can bring you. Please note that I in no way, shape, or form believe adoption to be about what a child can do for you. A most important piece in adoption is what you can provide a child. But the rewards that come from parenting a special needs child are like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. My 12 year old is my “handi-absolutely-capable” son, then I have a younger son that is ”not special needs” and I am also a birthmother. So, I can offer my knowledge from many perspectives. I find it rewarding to parent both my children, but my older son (Kasey) has brought the perspective that often gets lost on parents of healthy children who sometimes take their children’s lives for granted.
As an adoptive parent, I’m sure you have a plethora of love and life to give. Let me tell you, if you adopt a special needs child, you will get more of these things than you ever could offer. So, enough of that…let’s get to the list:
1) Do you want life on a whole new level?
This is a picture of my boys giving end of life care to our 15 year old dog, Shep. When we took him to the vet for euthanasia it was Kasey, me, and my husband. My husband and I both cried. Kasey held it together through the whole thing and pet our dog to the final breath. Later when we went to my parents home in the country to bury him, Kasey lifted Shep’s ear before we put him in his grave and told him “goodbye Shep” –still never shedding a tear. I asked him if he was sad that Shep had passed and he said yes. “So, why haven’t you cried?” I asked. “Because Shep is in heaven and I will see him again.” Cut and dried, plain and simple. Eternal perspective. The same perspective that caused him to excitedly wave goodbye towards the casket of my grandma when she passed. I am always the bawling mess and he consistently gives me the right perspective on things.
2) Do you want to feel alive?
That scar right down the middle of his chest is from open heart surgery when he was 15 months old. He had a hole in his heart the size of a quarter. The doctors said that up to that point even having a bowel movement could have given him a heart attack. He had drainage tubes, wires, stitches, a monitor stuck in his carotid artery to measure pressures, he was black and blue and yet in just a few days he was standing in his hospital bed shaking the crib. It was like “Yeah, I just had open heart surgery, so what?!?!” I wish I could say I handled everything well then but the truth is, I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone and he was suffering more than anyone I had ever known. I was lost and looking for something to drown my pain. In so many ways I wanted to be the turtle with her head in the sand. I felt alive alright. But not in a good way. Yet, looking back on his times of greatest infirmity, he still lived. He still showed care for others. He handled everything given to him with grace. He never seemed to lose sight of life. In all emotions we are reminded that we are still alive. Parenting special needs children isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but around every turn you WILL feel alive. You WILL be reminded in sickness and health of what is important — and **that** is living.
3) Ever wondered what it would be like to entertain an angel?
Enough said.
4) Need a reason to smile?
A special needs child will give you oodles every single day — and they won’t be smiles cracked from everyday triggers. They are unique!
5) Want acceptance for just who you are?
So do they I hate comparing them to dogs, but honestly, it seems the only ones with the natural, absolutely pure, God-instilled, deeply rooted gift of unconditional love is special needs children and dogs. I love them both!
6) Want to feel God’s love in a tangible way?
If you are lucky enough to get a hug or kiss from a special needs child you can very readily assume that God is just passing His love for you through a child. They embody God’s love and affection for you.
7) “Normal” kids reach hearts. Special needs kids penetrate them.
Everyone remembers Kasey. Everyone loves him. Even if they haven’t met him, he captures their attention. And the best thing about it is, it doesn’t go to his head. He’s just the same to anyone and everyone.
8) Do you struggle with feeling sorry for yourself?
You won’t. They will teach you courage, perseverance, patience, grace, and standing firm in your own life’s plan.
9) Need someone to bring you out of your shell?
So did my younger son, Noah, and I. Sometimes Kasey is to us as a parent is to a child — embarrassing. To us who really value being unnoticed on a day to day basis…yeah that never happens with Kasey…we had to learn to stand out and be proud. He will drop a beatbox rap or bust into a full fledged all-out YMCA rendition in any aisle of any grocery store at any time. This picture is of Kasey bringing Noah out of his shell and actually trying the school talent show. It’s a memory Noah still talks about to this day. I have no doubt Noah would not have had the guts without his brother by his side.
10) Everyday is an adventure!
Yep…that’s Kasey…After eyeing the fingernail polish sitting on the table, he thought it would be funny to paint his nails. Then, I talked him into a make-over, a dress, and a pose.
Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given unto you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
In giving your love and parenting to a special needs child, you truly are getting multitudes more than you can ever give. I promise.
I wish I lived as abundantly, as joyfully, as simply, as boldly, as attentively, as lovingly as my special needs child.
I wish I could melt, penetrate, and soothe hearts the way my special needs child does.
I wish I understood God’s love and undying devotion the way my special needs child does.
I wish I held unswervingly to my faith the way my special needs child does.
I wish I possessed the massive amount of spiritual gifts my special needs child does.
I wish my intellectual capabilities were severely over-shadowed by my intuitive, soul softening, kind and caring ways.
Some reason that a life labeled “special needs” is best ended in utero because quality of life will be diminished. I only wish my quality of life resembled my son’s. I have yet to meet a special needs person who struggles have burdened them so greatly they would have preferred their parents to abort them. Just ask them.
Let’s Talk About Sex…Baby (adult content)
28 Jun 2011 1 Comment
in Food for Thought Tags: bible, conjugal, immorality, intercourse, love, lover, lust, marriage, sex, sin
Let’s start this blog by getting you in the right mind-set… Click the link, listen up, then let’s chat!
When was the last time you heard a sermon on sex? Generally speaking, if you’re butt is sitting in a pew and you’re taking in a sermon on sex, you’re hearing about immorality, Rahab, infidelity, temptation, etc. All those dirty, dirty words. So, what gives?
Is sex purely for making babies? Is it what mainstream media has made it? Is it so sacred we should purify ourselves and be staunch and ceremonial because God created it? Should it come about in quiet sacredness (like Tom Cruise’s baby) or should everyone on the block know what’s going on if you happen to have a window open? And…oh my…should your kids know that married people ACTUALLY do that stuff? Ewww. Let’s cast off churchiness for a moment and talk reality.
(The ceremonial bride looks beautiful, but face it, the formality of it doesn’t always scream, “Welcome!”)
Much of what I have mentioned boils down to simple preference. So often, though, because of sex’s negative portrayal in the media and all the connotations that go with it, it is viewed as dirty or shameful. And to be fair, much of it today is twisted in to some crazy weird stuff. Also, it never once in the Bible says to have sex out of marriage, so I’m definitely not touting that. I’m purely speaking to married couples on this one! But what about we married couples that want to enjoy each other’s company? Should it be a dirty, rotten low-down shame? Let’s look at what the Bible has to say about this topic:
1 Cor. 7: 2-5 — But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3(B) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5(C) Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again,(D) so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Oh yeah. Now we’re talking! Hear that? The husband needs to give the wife her conjugal rights because she has authority…Yes ladies, that tight peice of man meat is all yours. **All tightness bets are off the table past a certain age but it’s still all yours!** And vice-versa. Conjugal rights aren’t just for prisoners! And the icing on the cake is that there’s a perfectly good reason for marital relations – so each is not tempted with someone else. Plainly spoken that means “put-out” people! “Put-out” for the good of all! Have fun, hoot and holler like you’re watching your favorite sports team on TV! Enjoy each other and do have fun in your marriage because it is sacred and you are safe in that relationship! Do not deprive one another and if you must, keep it short, don’t stay gone long. Get it all in while you can because…well…frankly, is there sex in heaven? Don’t count on it! You need to eat it up while you can! It’s healthy, it’s connection, it’s fun, and it is important to your marriage. If your spouse’s body is the playground, do you know your way around? Do you know which playground equipment you like the most? You owe it to your marriage – go get conjugal!
Got Beer? Just Enough to Be Dangerous, Pt.1
21 Jun 2011 2 Comments
in Food, Food for Thought Tags: baptism, beer, bible, drinking, drunkard, glutton, God, Jesus, spirits, wedding feast, wine
This is the first of a series that I will do every Tuesday for a while. Each week I will be addressing a new and largely taboo topic that we, as Christians might know just enough about to be dangerous.
Not too long after I was baptized, I saw the man who had immersed me and his wife along with the church pastor and his wife at a restaurant….drinking wine.
Immediately my head started reeling and I began to wonder if my baptism was legit since the man that had done it was a drinker! (Hey, I was young then and I had always believed that drinking was a sin.) Oh my…I wasn’t gonna make it to heaven because the elder and the preacher was sippin’ some vino! **Yeah THAT’S why**
Ever seen someone who claims to be “Christian” drinking? What are your first thoughts? I was always taught: YAY JESUS, NAY STRONG DRINK. Plus it didn’t help that I came from a long line of alcoholics so much of the opinion stemmed from the pain there. (Which by the way, is a GOOD reason to stay away from the stuff).
So, this is not intended for the person that knows it is better for them to stay away from alcohol. I think that is a wonderful idea because it never ends well when something controls us instead of the other way around. Let’s take a look at what the Bible really says about drinking.
John 2: On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples. When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now there were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (thought the servants who had drawn the water knew:, the master of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.”
Translation:
Mary: Son, we need more wine!
Jesus: Done.
There you have it…Jesus…bartender at a wedding. Add that to His many job titles. So many times the message is: Christians shouldn’t drink. Well, I have listed out some of the verses in the Bible for and against. In one story, some laborers in the Old Testament had just worked their hineys off and God told them to go ahead in to town and buy whatever they wanted…including strong drink if that suited them. In other verses, the Bible warns of not being a drunkard or a glutton of meat. **Whoa, Whoa. Yes dear, stuffing your face constantly is just as bad as being drunk.**
Anyway, the bottom line is: Don’t get drunk. Don’t let it control you. But just like it says in scripture …wine gladdens the heart of man. Alcohol in itself is not bad, in moderation. But don’t take my word, get into the Bible and check it out for yourself! Make your own decisions. Just, whatever you do, DO NOT regurgitate an opinion on alcohol and the Bible simply because it’s what you were told earlier in life. And when you see me in the bar, don’t judge. I prefer bar people over religious people 
PROS:
Ps. 104: 14-15 You cause the grass to grow for the livestock and plants for man to cultivate, that he may bring forth food from the earth and wine to gladden the heart of man…
Isaiah 55:1 “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.”
1 Ti 5:23 (No longer drink only water, but use a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments.)
Deut 14: 26and spend the money for whatever you desire—oxen or sheep or wine or strong drink, whatever your appetite craves. And(A) you shall eat there before the LORD your God and rejoice, you and your household.
Num. 28:7 Its drink offering shall be a quarter of a hin for each lamb. In theHoly Placeyou shall pour out a drink offering of strong drink to the LORD.
Genesis 27:27-29 May God give you of the dew of heaven and of the fatness of the earth and plenty of grain and wine.
CONS:
Pr. 20:1 Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.
Pr. 23:20 Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat
Ro. 14:21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.
What would you do?
10 Jun 2011 1 Comment
in Food for Thought Tags: altercation, anger, calculating, creepy, envisioning, food for thought, forethought, imagining, jail, protective, trouble, Wal-Mart
I once heard a pastor say that he imagines situations in his head that could possibly happen so that should that situation ever occur, he would know what to do.
If ever there were a time I wished I had imagined a situation, it would have been the other day at Wal-Mart. My two boys (ages 10 &12) and I were heading down the soda aisle when we passed a man and two little children. As we passed them, the man was staring in a most threatening way. So much so that I (usually completely oblivious to anything), felt a bit uncomfortable. We grabbed what we needed from that aisle and went on our way without a word spoken. A little while later both boys need to potty. Of course right? Doesn’t that always happen with kids at every single store??
At the back of the store, they went in to use the boys room while I shopped around the aisle nearest the bathroom. They came out fairly quickly and I wondered why they hadn’t washed their hands.
**On a funny side note, at this same Wal-Mart years ago, they both went in and came out quick with dripping wet hands and when I inquired as to why, Noah very matter-of-factly explained that they couldn’t dry their hands because it cost 25cents for a napkin
Ok, back to all seriousness…Noah asked me if I remembered the weird man we had seen earlier. I said, “Do you mean that creepy guy in the soda aisle?” To which he responded, “yes.” Well, that man was in the bathroom with one of his little children. He was staring so intently at what Noah lovingly calls, “his junk” that Noah moved closer to the urinal to block the man’s view. But the man then moved to a better spot and kept looking. So, in shock, I notified the closest Wal-Mart employee who seemed as shocked as me. Then, the creep came out of the bathroom.
Here’s where forethought would have gotten me in trouble. Had I ever invisioned this happening to my children, the man would have been on the ground in seconds flat being beaten by a large, heavy flower vase that was ever so near in the craft aisle. Maybe I would have even grabbed a shoe from that aisle and beat him black and blue with it. But had I ever even remotely considered the “What Would Cynthia Do” scenario….I would have gone to jail without a doubt.
And upon considering what I would do in jail, I had to chuckle at the thought of them asking me what I do….ummm….I’m a Christian author and a homeschooling mother…
Or let’s consider the time my boys and I got rear-ended in our 3 week old convertible. My oldest couldn’t remember a thing from hitting his forehead too hard on the dash, and my younger had bad seatbelt burns. And we were hit so hard they pushed my car into an old friend’s car across the street. It was good to see her again though! My grandpa said he couldn’t believe I didn’t go crazy on the young woman that hit us **in my red-headed, momma bear fashion** but I calmly replied that accidents happen. Until a few days later when we were notified that she was an uninsured, license suspended driver. Had I imagined that scenario in my mind, and played it out, my grandpa would have hit the nail on the head…I would have not been pleasant and that incident may have landed me in jail too. Too much imagining on my part could have given me quite a rap sheet when all said and done! I believe the police would know me on a first name basis. :/
The pastor who said he imagines scenarios is always so calculated and contained. It seems to work wonders for him! He’s a great man and a great leader! But I fear that with my personality, a little forethought might serve to only get me in deeper doo-doo. How about you?
Ummm, Are You Sure About This????
19 May 2011 1 Comment
in Food for Thought, Homeschooling Tags: author, calling, home schooling, homeschooling, legacy, life purpose, marriage, public speaking, purpose, shortcomings, socialization, team player, writing
Moses said to the LORD, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” Exodus 4:10
This passage is referring to God telling Moses of his calling and Moses going, “HAHAHAHHAHAHA, Yeah, wrong guy!”
Boy do I ever understand how Moses must have been feeling at that moment. On any given day it’s a toss up as to whether the life I live and the purpose I feel burning inside me makes me want to laugh or cry. I can’t ignore my purpose or it just eats me from the inside out. Yet, living it out is so extremely uncomfortable at times that I think it would feel better to be eaten from the inside out.
Let me explain a bit. I am a private person. God says to tell my story because it can help others. I don’t believe anyone’s business is mine and it is better for my sanity to keep my nose out! God says to ask the tough questions and be the one to uplift or challenge when needed. I tend to cower and turn red when put on the spot. God says to stand tall and confident. HAHAHA. I never not once in high school thought public speaking sounded like an awesome endeavor. It invokes sheer anxiety in me. God says to do it. In fact, when I wrote my book, one chapter in it talks about living out Gods purpose for your life and I had boldly explained the things above including that I felt called to public speaking. Well, right before I sent the final manuscript to my publisher, I took out the entire passage on being called to public speaking because I wanted nothing to do with it AND I didn’t want to encourage anything that might make me uncomfortable! A few weeks later when my manuscript had been reviewed by the committee and their notes were sent back to me. In those notes, there were the dreaded words staring me in the face….”I can see her doing public speaking…”
Well, I figured after that I might as well put the stuff back in my book about public speaking because God wasn’t letting me off the hook that easy. Point taken.
So, I’m a writer AND I homeschool my two boys. In my house, DAY IN and DAY OUT. Sometimes no contact with the outside world for days on end. There are times I get so lonely, I engage the ”other” voices in my head I feel 100% compelled and confident in my decision to homeschool, yet I watch my boys hanging out with their friends and loving their social lives with pure jealousy. It doesn’t feel natural to be without human contact on such a regular basis! Everyone always expresses the ”socialization” concern for homeschool children, but what they should be concerned about is an unsocialized momma! My thought was that maybe God called me to homeschooling because I am more of a danger to myself in public than at home! If there’s something stupid to be said, I will be the one to do it! I’ve had my foot in my mouth so often it’s beginning to get pruney. But that hypothesis doesn’t support my ministry calling. So what is God really thinking??!?!
And what about marriage and being a wife? Does it come natural for you? Yeah, well, I’m the girl whose mother got called in junior high because when assigned to work with a group of peers for a project, I basically told the group to buzz off and I’d let them know when the project was done! It was my way of controlling the outcome. Not exactly a team player. I undoubtedly and wholeheartedly know that I was divinely teamed up with my husband. For one, there is no other man crazy enough to tolerate me but for another, God has truly walked us through every good and bad time in our marriage. However, I still find marriage unnatural and at times uncomfortable. Maybe because I was an only child for so long? I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem natural for me to share anything or to compromise anything. Yes, I am sometimes that ornery red-head over in the corner pouting and sucking her thumb when she doesn’t get her way. Please don’t ask my husband for confirmation….
I’ve certainly had times where I’ve said, “Ummm, God, are you SURE about this?” or, “You’ve definitely got the wrong woman!”, possibly even, “What are you thinking?!?!?”
Often we are taught that when something is right, it’s easy or it is what comes natural to us. Don’t write off the hard things. They may very well be the yet unwritten and possibly **best**part of your story. The revelation of Moses’ calling surely made him fidget and possibly even break in to a cold sweat, yet when we think of his legacy, he did it. What he thought he was incapable of doing, he did. And he was the perfect man for the job in spite of his shortcomings.
